The words blurred at first. Medical release. Placement. Best interest. Extended care.<\/p>\n
At the bottom was my signature.<\/p>\n
It was thin, crooked, and barely mine.<\/p>\n
Beside it was Watson\u2019s.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t remember signing this,\u201d I whispered.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat else is in there?\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Watson took the page. His hands started to shake.<\/p>\n
\u201cI remember a clipboard.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAt the hospital, sweetheart. Your mother handed it to me. She said you had already signed. She said they needed mine so Rowan wouldn\u2019t suffer.\u201d<\/p>\n
My stomach turned.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cPeggy said that?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded. \u201cShe said you couldn\u2019t face it. She said I had to be strong enough for both of us.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood so fast the box nearly fell.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
For eighteen years, I\u2019d remembered pieces of that hospital night.<\/p>\n
Doctor Jefferson walking toward us.<\/p>\n
My mother wrapping her arms around me.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said you couldn\u2019t face it.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Someone saying, \u201cHe\u2019s gone, Dawn.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was sedated, broken, and too weak to hold a pen without help.<\/p>\n
After that, everything blurred.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Now I looked at Watson. \u201cI need the old folder.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNow?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cRight now.\u201d<\/p>\n
He followed me to the hall closet while music thumped outside.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need the old folder.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I pulled down the plastic bin and dumped the hospital papers across the bedroom floor.<\/p>\n
Watson knelt beside me. \u201cWhat are we looking for?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cProof that Rowan died.\u201d<\/p>\n
His hands stopped moving.<\/p>\n
I found Riley\u2019s discharge papers, Rex\u2019s feeding chart, condolence cards, and the funeral receipt my mother had handled because I could barely stand.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are we looking for?\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
But there was no death certificate. My mother had always said the official papers were safe in her fireproof box.<\/p>\n
\u201cWatson.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at the empty space in the folder.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s nothing,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe Peggy kept it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course she did.\u201d<\/p>\n
But there was no death certificate.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Then I found Doctor Jefferson\u2019s old card with a message written on the back:<\/p>\n
\u201cI hope one day you find peace with the decision made for Rowan.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
Watson read it twice. \u201cDecision?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what I thought.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at the copied form on the bed.<\/p>\n
I grabbed my keys. \u201cWe\u2019re going to Doctor Jefferson.\u201d<\/p>\n
Watson stood. \u201cNow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re going to Doctor Jefferson.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
***<\/p>\n
Doctor Jefferson looked older than I remembered. His receptionist tried to stop us, but I held up Rowan\u2019s bracelet.<\/p>\n
\u201cTell him it\u2019s about the baby he told me was dead.\u201d<\/p>\n
A minute later, after the receptionist showed him the bracelet, he opened his door.<\/p>\n
I placed the bracelet on his desk. \u201cWhere did this come from?\u201d<\/p>\n
His face changed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere did this come from?\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cWhere did you get that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFrom my son.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/div>\nHe looked at the copied form in my hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want Rowan\u2019s records,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere are procedures, Dawn.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen get me the form.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDawn, I can\u2019t discuss this without proper paperwork.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI want Rowan\u2019s records.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cFine. Answer one question.\u201d I leaned forward. \u201cDid Rowan die?\u201d<\/p>\n
Doctor Jefferson sat down slowly. \u201cRowan was critically ill.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat wasn\u2019t the question.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
His hands folded. \u201cHe stabilized after the transfer.\u201d<\/p>\n
I gripped the desk. \u201cYou told me he died.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was told you understood the placement option. Your mother said the private placement had already been discussed with the social worker.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRowan was critically ill.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cBy me?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked away.<\/p>\n
That was more than enough.<\/p>\n
\u201cBy my mom,\u201d I said. \u201cRight?\u201d<\/p>\n
Watson\u2019s voice cracked. \u201cWe buried him.\u201d<\/p>\n
Doctor Jefferson swallowed. \u201cYour mother arranged the memorial. I was told you and Watson understood there would be no viewing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe buried him.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cThe family?\u201d I asked. \u201cOr her?\u201d<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you ever ask me, without my mom in the room, if I wanted my son placed with another family?\u201d<\/p>\n
Doctor Jefferson looked down. \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you ask Watson?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen you never confirmed consent,\u201d I said. \u201cYou had a grieving woman\u2019s signature and my mother\u2019s version of grief.\u201d<\/p>\n
Doctor Jefferson looked down.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cI told myself Rowan needed a stable home.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe had one,\u201d Watson said. \u201cIt was ours.\u201d<\/p>\n
I picked up the bracelet. \u201cI\u2019m filing for every record. Every page. Every note. And then I\u2019m filing complaints wherever I need to.\u201d<\/p>\n
Doctor Jefferson nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said. \u201cYou don\u2019t understand. But you will.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was ours.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Watson\u2019s voice cracked. \u201cWhere is he?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know now,\u201d the doctor said. \u201cThe couple moved years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
I held up the photo. \u201cHe found us first.\u201d<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
When we pulled into the driveway, the party was still loud. Riley and Rex were still laughing in the backyard, and my mother\u2019s car sat near the curb.<\/p>\n
Watson reached for my hand. \u201cLet me go in first.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe found us first.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said. \u201cYou\u2019re coming with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
We climbed the porch steps together.<\/p>\n
A tall boy stood near the railing, as if he\u2019d been deciding whether to knock or run.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he said. \u201cI left the box and walked away. But I heard them laughing out back, and I couldn\u2019t leave.\u201d<\/p>\n
I knew him before he said another word.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re coming with me.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cRowan.\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes filled. \u201cI don\u2019t know what I\u2019m supposed to call you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t have to call me anything yet.\u201d<\/p>\n