“And what do you think I’ve been doing at home?”
A horn sounded outside. Brandon checked his phone.
“They’re here.”
“Did you arrange for anyone to help me? Your mother?”
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“You’ve handled the girls before.”
A horn sounded outside.
“Not alone for four days!”
“They’re babies. Feed them, change them, and put them down.”
“Then stay tonight and show me how simple it is.”
His jaw tightened.
“I already committed.”
His jaw tightened.
“To them. You committed to Simon and Theo. You didn’t even speak to me.”
“Because I knew you’d react like this.”
“Like what? Like I need two hands when both babies are screaming?”
He lifted the duffel bag.
“I can’t do this right now.”
“I haven’t slept through the night in six months. If I called tomorrow and said I couldn’t manage, would you come home?”
“I can’t do this right now.”
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He hesitated.
That hesitation told me more than an answer would’ve.
“I need this trip,” he said.
“And I need a husband.”
Brandon opened the door, then looked back at Ivy crying and Lila clinging to my shirt.
“You wanted to be a mother, so act like one.”
“I need this trip.”
For a moment, I couldn’t speak.
We’d spent years trying to have those girls. Now he spoke as though they’d been my choice alone.
He waited for me to beg.
Instead, I met his eyes.
“Go.”
He blinked. “That’s it?”
I couldn’t speak.
“You’ve already chosen.”
Brandon left.
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***
At 3:14 that morning, I sat on the nursery floor with one baby resting against each side of me and half a granola bar in my hand.
“I’m here,” I whispered.
“You’ve already chosen.”
My voice cracked.
“Mommy’s here.”
I opened my messages.
Brandon hadn’t asked about the girls once.
I typed, “The girls won’t settle. Can you call me?”
“Mommy’s here.”
Then I deleted it.
I had asked for help while he stood three feet away. I wouldn’t beg now that he had chosen to leave.
***
I was warming a bottle when a new post from Brandon appeared on my phone.
He stood beside a lake with Simon and Theo, smiling beneath a bright blue sky.
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The caption read, “Finally getting the peace and quiet I deserve. Thanks, boys!”
